Welcome to the luxury western. It’s in Texas that the lord has set down his suitcases, or how to mess up a leather goods show with panache. So, fasten your seatbelts (made of cowhide vaguely tanned with plastic), because the “made in USA” luxury rodeo is in full collapse. The famous luxury house, apparently the empire of French refinement, had decided to plant its golden pumps… in the heart of the state near the Rio Grande. The result? A factory that looks more like a Monty Python sketch than a high-end craft workshop.

A “significantly insufficient performance,” the man from Toledo is said to have said. Translation: it’s a disaster. Apparently, there’s a shortage of talented leather craftsmen… Who would have thought it? Offering $17 an hour to make bags worth 3,000 quid, without requiring any experience, what a brilliant strategy! It’s like asking a teenager watching “Road Bull” to build a cathedral.

And what’s more, it took them years to learn how to sew a pocket. A pocket! Not a damp squib like Musk, not just a pocket! And meanwhile, the leather waste rate reaches 40%, twice the norm. When the bag is ugly and poorly made? Hey presto, it’s incinerated. Literally burned in a huge fire of shame, or sold to Mexican migrants as a counterfeit. “No, I’m just kidding.”

The supervisors are on the lookout! Finally, they encourage mistakes in order to meet the imposed quotas. There’s talk of melted leather to hide the wobbly stitching holes, abstract art style. Picasso would have loved it.

The factory was inaugurated with great fanfare in 2019 by the lord of the Arnault family and Donald Trump. A dream duo! Especially since the group received a 75% tax break, a modest $29 million discount.

All this for what? To avoid Trump’s taxes on European products, of course. Except that even by spending tens of millions, the “reshoring” strategy looks more like a farce than a miracle solution. And now? LVMH is trying to convince its better-trained Californian employees to move to Texas to solve the problem. However, no one wants to move to a homophobic state and/or where the death penalty still exists, a state filled with morons who voted 99% for Trump.

So, the next time someone says to you, “Hey, you small business, you just have to produce in the USA to avoid taxes,” show them the great Texan western from the group from the Lady of the Châtelet. Even luxury giants struggle, but in Texas, cowboy boot heels are always beveled.

FM